One day in March 2009
Because I shouldn’t have; because he was separated from his wife; because I met her once briefly and understand how she earned the title Ice Queen; because he asked me repeatedly; but most of all because I was told just to say “Hello” - and nothing more. That is exactly why I decided to go to Sebastian with him, and later to Vero Beach. Each time he brought it up, I laughed and said “You can't”, his response was always “Yes... I can. Come with me... it's beautiful down there.” One day in early March, I decided to call his bluff. “Sweet” he said softly. His eyes danced as that slow smile spread across his face. “When?”
Basically, it was WTF… I was curious. No matter what happened I knew there would be no problem at work between us, but there was high risk of losing our jobs. I think the risk added to the excitement for him. On the way down, I asked what we would say if someone we knew saw us. “The truth. We wanted to get away and take a ride down the coast. We aren’t hiding.”
Once I’m in with something, I let go and enjoy myself. If I make a decision to do something, I don’t ruin the moment worrying about ramifications. Obviously, he doesn’t either. To my surprise, we had a great time. We had serious discussions and we acted like silly kids – I have some great photos of us on the swings at a beautiful municipal park on the way down – and eating ice cream on one of the piers. He’s a pretty decent photographer, even with my camera. He got a great shot of me with the cone almost to my mouth as I looked out across the Intercoastal, back lit by the colors of a beautiful sunset.
There are also great shots of him, including one we took of him feeding me ice cream. Not once has he ever said ‘make sure no one ever sees them’. I 
I shivered and mentioned it was after 6 and a long drive home. We went back to the truck and he handed me one of his jackets. I laughed and said I’d have to use it as a blanket; it would swallow me if I tried to wear it! He grinned “That’d work.” I laughed. I adore his little-boy sense of fun and humor.
We turned south instead of north. I looked at him. “Where are we going? Home is that way.” He turned to me, “We don’t have to work tomorrow, are you going to turn into a pumpkin if you stay out longer?” I laughed. “No, but I’m going to be in agony without my meds if I don’t get home soon.” He looked concerned, “Why? What happens??” “Muscle spasms and a lot of pain, especially at night.” “What do you take?” “Muscle relaxants, pain pills and finally a strong sedative. It’s the only thing that keeps me below the pain threshold long enough to get any sleep.”
He was quiet for several minutes. We continued to drive south. He turned off the highway onto a road covered with crushed rock barely wide enough for 2 vehicles to pass. We drove for 
another quarter hour and then into a narrow, rutted trail densely surrounded by mangroves, cabbage palms, shore grass and other marsh plants. “Is this even a road??” He laughed. It appeared to me as though we just turned into the mangroves. “How did you even know this was here??” Often a man of few words, he chuckled again, “Experience.”
The road ended in a small clearing at the edge of a large winding shallow lake – I forget now what he called it, but there are hundreds of them down there where the fresh water of the river meets salt wat
“Are you still cold?” I shook my head. “Scared?” After a second, I nodded. He laughed softly, watched me thoughtfully for several seconds and made a decision. “I'll be right back.” He opened the door, “and then you'll own me.” I didn't ask what he meant... I wasn't sure I wanted to know. He was out of the truck for a few minutes, during which I began to seriously wonder what the hell I'd gotten myself into. He got back in. “Potty break?” I asked. He laughed and laid a pouch on the console. “No… smoke break.” I could smell it as soon as he'd opened the door... I just couldn't believe it!
For what seemed an eternity we just looked at each other. “Natural muscle relaxant... natural pain relief...” he smiled slowly “Medicinal.” I shook my head, smiled and relaxed against the seat, “Okay, let's burn it.” His grin said he knew he hadn't misjudged me, but my god! “You are a crazy man! Why don’t you just resign and find another career if you hate this one so much?” He gave a short laugh and looked up, “I don’t hate it. I like my job.” I held his gaze and slowly shook my head. “You must really trust me.” He smiled, “I told you'd own my life.” For a long moment I looked into his eyes “Your life is safe.” He lit up, held the smoke then handed it to me. As he exhaled, he said softly, “I never doubted it.”
I inhaled and closed my eyes. “Mmmm… this is good shit.” He chuckled as he took it from me, “That it is… creeper… hit it again.” He held it to my lips. “Creeper my ass! I’m already floating!” I inhaled again. “Trust me,” he said as he settled back in his seat, “It’s creeper… just wait.” It wasn't a long wait.
Free floating begets panic begets paranoia. “Oh God! We may have a problem… I can’t… I don’t… God… I get really…” Again that quiet laugh. “Relax. It’s all good. Don’t worry, I’m not going to let anything happen to you.” I sighed, my voice sounded very small, “You don’t understand…” I could hear the amusement in his voice, “Oh I think I do.” Shit. The world tilted. “God, I need water.” He handed me a large bottle of Zephyr Hills and got one for himself. I drank half the bottle. He laughed.
The next thing I knew he was opening my door and lifting me down. “Let’s go sit by the water… It’s beautiful.” And it was. He carried me down to the clearing at the water's edge and let me down on a serape. I had no idea when he got it or where it came from... or when he put his arm around me. I was only
Awhile later, he whispered “Look at the stars. There are millions of them.” I opened my eyes and looked straight up through the opening in the trees at a vast array of sparkling diamonds. It took my breath away. It made me incredibly happy.
“You are beautiful.” Simple words, quietly spoken. He was lying on his side, his right hand supporting his head. He was close… so close that when I turned my head to look at him we were only inches apart. I whispered, “Don’t… please.” He watched me for a long moment, then softly asked “Why?” I could feel tears filling my eyes, “It will ruin everything… everything.” A tear spilled over and ran down my cheek, it was hot and must have glistened in the moon light, because he leaned over and brushed his lips across its track. “It won’t.” I whispered against his face, “It will. I don’t do this. I really don’t. I swear. I know I flirt, but I don’t…”
He moved back just enough to look into my eyes as he gently cupped my face in his hand, “If I thought you did, we wouldn’t be here right now…. I didn’t bring you here to fuck you. I just wanted to get away… I’m probably as surprised as you are… but… things change.” I smiled, “It’s the weed.” He smiled and slowly shook his head, “That’s part of it, but it’s never caused me to desire anyone I wouldn’t want if I were sober. It only enhances desire – it doesn’t create it. It’s either there, or it’s not.” He slowly ran his hand down my cheek and then under my head as he leaned closer, “It is what it is. I want you. If you say no, it’s no… but say it now.”
I haven’t wanted any one as much as I wanted him right then – not since I lost Mick. I ran my left hand gently over the side of his face, then around his neck and pulled him to me.
I thought I was as hot as any woman could ever get. I was wrong. The instant his lips touched mine, my body turned to liquid fire. It was a short, soft, gentle kiss. He raised his head just enough for our eyes to meet. I wanted more, I wanted a lot more, and I didn’t want to wait. He could have done like most men and finished in 5 minutes. I didn’t need more foreplay to get ready… and he knew it. Still he spent a long, long time with gentle kisses and soft caresses. I don’t remember when he took his tee shirt off, but I explored every square inch of his back, chest and arms. I remember whispering how good his muscles felt and how much I hated losing mine. He kissed my neck as he stroked my arm, “You have the softest skin I have ever touched. It’s like a baby’s.”
My body was fire and desire. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think, I just kept saying “please” over and over every time my lips were free. Finally, he pulled my jeans off and the universe exploded as his mouth replaced them. An eternity later he quietly held me close, rubbed my back and kissed me gently until I could breathe again. I didn’t even realize I was crying until he brushed the tears off my face. He was generous, gentle, intuitive and seemingly insatiable. Every crest of pleasure was only prelude to more… and more…
“I can’t keep doing this. I’m going to die!” I gasped the words as I struggled to catch my breath. His was breathing hard, but had enough control to chuckle, “So we’ll die happy!” I wanted him… I wanted to make him feel pleasure equal to that he’d given me. “Please??” I begged. “I want to… you haven’t…” He was lying on top of me, most of his weight supported by his arms. He finally shifted his body enough to let me touch him.
I gasped. “That isn’t going to happen!” My body said it absolutely was at the same time my brain said “Hell no!” “I won’t hurt you.” He never looked away as he reached for his shorts lying nearby. I realized what he was going to do and grabbed his arm. “No.” He remained still for several seconds while he made a decision. Then lowering his head to kiss me, he said softly, “Okay.”
Within minutes and I was once again liquid fire. Waiting another second would have destroyed me. I could feel the restrained energy of his body against mine… his control was awesome. I moved against him, as much as the weight of his body would allow. He groaned softly, filling me with a rush of power that increased my own passion. I whimpered with desire and frustration… for that space of time, nothing and no one else existed. He was my universe.
At the breaking point, he asked “Slow? Or just do it?” I almost screamed, “Just do it.” His kiss was deep and hard. As badly as my body craved his, I reflexively tried to pull away, push away… I twisted my head and yelled “No!” And then he was still above me, raising himself enough to push my hair back and gently kiss me. He lowered himself again and laid his head against mine. “That’s as bad as it’s going to get. I promise. I’m sorry.” I twisted my fingers in his hair and pulled his head back so I could see his face. “Don’t be sorry.” I kissed him, and between shuddering breaths, whispered, “Just make it worth my while.”
He did. For a long time, his every move was exquisitely slow... incredibly considerate. He continued the same slow, long strokes while his hands and mouth caressed every accessible part of my body. Even through wave after wave of intense pleasure, I was dimly aware he was still holding back. I didn't want to stop, but even pleasure has its limits. I whispered weakly “Please... I can't... no more.” His voice was husky, yet so soft I barely heard him say “One more.”
Slow and gentle became fast and hard. After the first shock, as my body adapted to his rhythm... I was amazed at my own response. His heart was thudded so hard in his chest it shook the ground beneath me. Or maybe the earth just moved. It should have. The universe converged into a single point of light and exploded into a million swirling colors of sheer ecstasy. 
Much later, as we held each other while the night air chilled the sweat on our bodies, I sighed "Tantra." [Tantra] He laughed softly, “Tantra 101.” I laughed, “We never made it to Vero!” He pulled me up, “Not yet… but we will.” And we did.
But that's another story...
Aisling
